I want to be clear: Jesus is the answer. Not just the Sunday school answer. Not a distant answer. The immediate, complete, in the now answer.

There is a reasonable rumbling that biblical counselors do more damage than good when it comes to helping victim survivors of domestic abuse. This is true. I have seen it. I have heard it. I agree.

I invite you, however, to hold out hope, because biblical counseling is not the answer. Jesus is.

Jesus spoke strong words. “You pore over the Scriptures because you think you have eternal life in them, and yet they testify about me. But you are not willing to come to me so that you may have life. I do not accept glory from people, but I know you—that you have no love for God within you.” (John 5:39-42 CSB)

As a result of my counseling experience (many, many sessions, free of charge), I hesitate to recommend biblical counselors and refer to those I know and trust personally. There are those that assume personal sin is the source of suffering (the wrong diagnosis), which results in the wrong solution. Regardless of what they say (to convince themselves or others, I’m not sure), Scripture is taken out of context to fit a traditional, cultural model of marriage, family, and church.

If you are a biblical counselor, please understand that I am not against BIBLICAL counseling. I am a biblical counselor. I hold a Master’s degree in Biblical Counseling and have dedicated countless hours to learning, applying, and sharing the Word of God. I am grateful for my training. But all of it is intended to lead us to Jesus. If it doesn’t, something is wrong. Very. Wrong.

If you are an individual who has received “biblical counseling” that is ignorant at best, wicked at worst, I hear you. I see you. I understand. And I am saying, “You are right to guard against the Kool-aid. Seek TRUTH. Ask questions. Study for yourself. Pray, pray, pray.”

Victim/survivor, it’s hard. You will receive harmful advice from well-meaning (and not so well-meaning) people. You risk betrayal, abandonment, and shipwreck from those who claim the name of Jesus. I am so. Very. Disappointed. Angered. Saddened. Broken-hearted for you.

If you are a woman in the biblical counseling movement, look up–who/what is between you and Jesus? Do men stand between you and your understanding of Scripture? Does an organization or set of policies and procedures keep you from seeing and following Jesus? What would He have you do? How can you get to Jesus? How can you see, hear, and follow Him more clearly? Are you close enough to touch the hem of His garment?

If you are a man in the biblical counseling movement, look sideways–who is alongside you? Do they represent those who will be in Heaven? Are there women? Teens? Lame? Wounded? Poor? If not, ask yourself, “Where are they? The people Jesus died to save? The people He’s living through? If this organization, movement, church, ministry represents Jesus, where did everyone go?” Start seeking. Seek Jesus. Then follow Him. It is there that you will find the needy, oppressed, and down-trodden. The brokenhearted. Not the “strong.” Not the “knowledgeable.” Not the “influential.” You will find the least of these–and you will minister to Jesus.

To learn how to serve those experiencing abuse, please consider taking Clarity in Action’s Biblical Victim Care Course. This is not a pocket-digging plea, because the cost is reasonable. This 12-session course teaches the difference between suffering and oppression. You will see the heart, hand and person of God as you may not have seen Him before. You will learn to walk alongside the suffering, hear their cries for help, and lead them to the Savior. You cannot save, rescue, or fix anything. But He can. And He does.

And perhaps you, like me, will find that sanctification looks very different than you thought it would. We have a wonderful, wise, loving God!

This is what the Lord says:

The wise person should not boast in his wisdom;
the strong should not boast in his strength;
the wealthy should not boast in his wealth.
But the one who boasts should boast in this:
that he understands and knows me—
that I am the Lord, showing faithful love,
justice, and righteousness on the earth,
for I delight in these things.
This is the Lord’s declaration. (Jeremiah 9:22-23)