Besides deceit, hypocrisy and secrecy, another obstacle for those seeking help is an individual who has been similarly hurt without healing. If they were to acknowledge hurt, pain and suffering at another's hand, it would stir up feelings of helplessness and powerlessness. The resulting pain and suffering would confirm the reality of evil and its … Continue reading I Know a Guy
Woman after woman is accused of--or describes herself as--suffering from anxiety. Making decisions, moving through the day, talking to individuals, caring for children, going to bed. All are riddled with a sense of dread, fear, panic, unease. The words, "If only..." precede every other thought. The Bible speaks to anxiety. Pastors and Bible study leaders … Continue reading It’s Not Anxiety
Isn't the idea of "choosing" the husband or wife in a domestic dispute unbiblical? A friend, pastor, church, or family member should be on both teams, shouldn't they? Loving both. Caring for both. Doing what is best for both. It just feels wrong to have to choose one over the other--how do you make sense … Continue reading Go Team!
For those of you who don't see or acknowledge men who use fear, confusion, force, coercion, threats, and violence to get what they want, it's not because it's a unicorn. It's a horse. And you are not a safe person.
The same is true of marriage. You and I can give advice, try to relate to a suffering or distant woman, and come alongside her, but if we don't have the words or ability to understand the difference between a mutual relationship and an oppressive one, we aren't even speaking the same language.
When is the last time you bore the weight of your sin against another person--not just acknowledged it, but sat in it, listened to it from another perspective--and owned it? That is the biblical concept of confessing your sin to one another and praying for one another that you may be healed (James 5:16). This … Continue reading Weight of Sin
We must be very careful how we coach, teach, and encourage confession and forgiveness in imbalanced relationships.
There's a saying I use in counseling: "Show me the money." It's simple: tell me who benefits from an action or choice, and I can tell you who's manipulating a situation, especially in an imbalanced relationship where one person uses power and control for himself. Who benefits when your husband gets angry? He does. Why? … Continue reading Show Me the Money!
Last week I addressed, The Cleaner: the idea that women feel the need to clean up after, or remove the consequences of, their husbands failure and sin. Additionally, sinful behavior is perpetuated when churches define a wife, or "helper" as someone who:1) Prevents her husband from sinning2) Equates pleasing a husband with pleasing God. https://dg.imgix.net/she-is-me-snbdvfjz-en/landscape/she-is-me-snbdvfjz.jpg?ts=1498581304&ixlib=rails-4.1.0&fit=crop&w=2000&h=1050 … Continue reading The Helper
When is the last time someone called out sinful behavior in front of you? It happened at our house yesterday--it's a normal part of life. If that's a one-sided conversation at your house, something's wrong. James says so. James says, "if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as … Continue reading James Calls It!