Many times women and well-meaning individuals mention communication as the problem that hinders marriage. She is withdrawn instead of vulnerable. He communicates in anger or not at all. Communication is a symptom, not a root problem. Addressing broken patterns and outward fruit it does nothing more than teach someone to sin better or practice sin … Continue reading The Heart of Communication
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When “I do” Replaces “in Christ”
There are those who preach, believe, and live as though a woman who is married must chose her husband over Jesus. In the sight of others, sadly, the church, her wedding ring strips her of her identity in Christ and the privilege of being Christ's sister. Instead being united with Christ as an instrument of … Continue reading When “I do” Replaces “in Christ”
One Flesh
A pastor once told me that he hates to see couples separate because separation leads to divorce. The basis of this claim rested on physical intimacy. How could a couple be one flesh if the husband is denied regular, physical intimacy--his "due" or "debt" (according to 1 Corinthians 7:3-5). I beg to differ. In cases … Continue reading One Flesh
Blinders of Naivete
As a second grader, a group of us from different backgrounds had theological discussions--Lutheran, Baptist, Catholic, Assembly of God. The conversation that remains with me to this day is, "If God made us with 2 eyes, 2 ears--2 of all these things--do they match?" We went around and around about whether each of us had … Continue reading Blinders of Naivete
Faulty Theology
We must see marriage as a privilege instead of an entitlement. Marriage is not a rite of passage. It does not make anyone (man or woman) more valuable, more important, more wise, more capable, more....
Love is a Dangerous Word
One of the most common pieces of advice is for husbands to tell their wives, "I love you" when things have gone awry. (Trigger warning) This is why that's a bad idea: The word "love" is equated with action. So in imbalanced, or sin-driven marriages, "I love you" means: I love how you make me … Continue reading Love is a Dangerous Word
Assigning Value
Each of us rearranges and changes our life based on what has the most value and what we find attractive or good. What I say is reinforced or denied by my actions.
Headship: Preamble
If a woman’s application of Scripture is limited by submission to her husband, then he, not Jesus, is the measure of her sanctification.
Butt Dust
Rules and consequences easily set themselves up for hierarchy. They don't have to, but that is our natural tendency as sinful creatures--to set ourselves up to be served rather than to serve.
Sin is more Than a Problem to Solve
It's easy to take an item to the Jesus-counter, confess, ask forgiveness, then walk out the door with pockets, nooks, and crannies loaded with unconfessed sin. Sin kills relationships. Sin is more than a problem to be solved.
Seeking Sanctuary 