We must be very careful how we coach, teach, and encourage confession and forgiveness in imbalanced relationships.
There's a saying I use in counseling: "Show me the money." It's simple: tell me who benefits from an action or choice, and I can tell you who's manipulating a situation, especially in an imbalanced relationship where one person uses power and control for himself. Who benefits when your husband gets angry? He does. Why? … Continue reading Show Me the Money!
Last week I addressed, The Cleaner: the idea that women feel the need to clean up after, or remove the consequences of, their husbands failure and sin. Additionally, sinful behavior is perpetuated when churches define a wife, or "helper" as someone who:1) Prevents her husband from sinning2) Equates pleasing a husband with pleasing God. https://dg.imgix.net/she-is-me-snbdvfjz-en/landscape/she-is-me-snbdvfjz.jpg?ts=1498581304&ixlib=rails-4.1.0&fit=crop&w=2000&h=1050 … Continue reading The Helper
When is the last time someone called out sinful behavior in front of you? It happened at our house yesterday--it's a normal part of life. If that's a one-sided conversation at your house, something's wrong. James says so. James says, "if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as … Continue reading James Calls It!
Personalizing God in our groaning, in this earthly tent, is for His glory and honor, showing His provision--not because of my need, but because of His power, might, and love. And out of His storehouse, He has provided the grace I need for this very moment.
Seeing the big picture--beyond the suffering, loss, and unknown--gives us hope. And with hope, God provides comfort, courage and endurance.
Many women who experience punishment or consequences as a result of displeasing their husband are told by said husband, churches, pastors, family and friends that they are unforgiving. "The Bible says to forgive seventy times seven. If you don't forgive, you're the one holding a grudge." There are a lot of things packed into the … Continue reading Seventy Times Seven
It's time for something positive--for good news, for a new outlook, a fresh take on life. There is no better positive, good, new, fresh, wonderful thing than Jesus. https://www.youtube.com/embed/CoIfH4V2PQE I have told women who wonder about marrying an individual that if their husband is becoming more like Jesus, they will continue to fall in love … Continue reading Adding Jesus Changes Everything
Abusive relationships breed confusion: shame, anger, pity, love, guilt, frustration, fear. If that's your bag, it's time to ask questions and get help. One of those feelings and filters that affects all of life is shame. It eats away at us in quiet moments, in the dark of night, in between this and that. If … Continue reading Shame vs. Guilt
In relationships that are off-balance, whether you define yours as abusive or not, there is a sense of one-way love. One individual is always giving, flexing, changing, doing. The other is always receiving, demanding, taking. Part of recognizing an abusive relationship is seeing that pattern for what it is. It is not balanced, other-focused, or … Continue reading Love is Not Mutually Exclusive