Accessing Strength and Power

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what prevents victims of abuse from crying out–and there are a lot of factors. I’ll be part of a Master Class with Chris Moles in the near future and will make it available as I’m able. But something incredible has fallen into my lap in the way of experience and truth.

Because I am not only a biblical counselor but an Advocate Volunteer for our social services, I interact with a lot of different people. When victims need help–when they know they need help–and they want help, God offers Himself as the  Rock, the  Fortress, the Hiding Place.

To come to the place of admitting there’s nothing I can do and this other person is acting contrary to my hopes and dreams–that I am caught in a web of deception–that is when I fall on my knees and beg for mercy. My dreams are gone. My hope, dashed. My future, uncertain. My present, a nightmare. My relationships, tenuous. As the old hymn writer said, “On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.”

Unfortunately, many would rather live the lie, hope for change, and wrestle the known than let go and embrace God with both hands. (Statistics say that a woman will return to an abusive relationship an average of seven times.) When a victim lets go of present circumstances and takes God at His Word, a miracle takes place. Eyes are open, reality is accepted, dreams are released, and hope takes root.

If you haven’t, look around. Ask God to reveal your true need and cry out to Him. He is your only Hope. If you are clinging to Him, you’ve found the answer to your past, present and future. God will provide–has provided in Jesus Christ–and will continue to use and bless you for His glory and eternal purpose.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Reality

The reality of violent domestic abuse–which happens to one in three women* (did you read that right?)–the reality is captivity. Women are captives, not only in their homes, but in their lives, choices, and heads. They are coerced and manipulated to another’s agenda, wishes, demands, and and preferences. Women are threatened, belittled, bullied, and treated like trash in the walls of their homes, bedrooms, kitchen, bathrooms. They can’t and don’t “just leave” for a variety of reasonable reasons** (which we need to understand if we’re going to truly help).

The reality is, a woman in an abusive relationship is in an extremely difficult, dangerous situation.

God knows how to handle the difficult; the dangerous.

Think: ancient Egypt. Powerful. Affluent. Ritualistic. The power dynamic between Egypt and the small group of immigrants who owned and managed livestock, who lived on the outskirts of society is palpable. Heavyweight versus loserweight. Is it any wonder Egypt swallowed and made them slaves? For years they endured hardship, beatings, death, and, finally, the threat of extinction.  But God.

God did not change Egypt. God brought forth His will and plan in spite of, and through, the hardness of Pharaoh’s heart (Romans 9:17).

God did not do away with the Red Sea. He brought His people through it.

God did not destroy the rock. He brought forth water–life itself–in and through it, though the rock remained (Psalm 114; 1 Corinthians 10).

God is able. He can and will use all things for His purpose, plan and glory. He hears the cry of the oppressed, weary, and heavy-laden. He desires to show Himself mighty, powerful to save. He is God, and there is no other. He delights in the impossible. He is there for the one who cries out. That is the reality we live in. That is the reality we cling to. That…is hope.

I love the Lord, because he has heard
    my voice and my pleas for mercy.
Because he inclined his ear to me,
    therefore I will call on him as long as I live.
The snares of death encompassed me;
    the pangs of Sheol laid hold on me;
    I suffered distress and anguish.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
    “O Lord, I pray, deliver my soul!”

 

Gracious is the Lord, and righteous;
    our God is merciful.
The Lord preserves the simple;
    when I was brought low, he saved me.
Return, O my soul, to your rest;
    for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.

 

For you have delivered my soul from death,
    my eyes from tears,
    my feet from stumbling;
I will walk before the Lord
    in the land of the living.

 

I believed, even when I spoke:
    “I am greatly afflicted”;
I said in my alarm,
    “All mankind are liars.”

 

What shall I render to the Lord
    for all his benefits to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation
    and call on the name of the Lord,
I will pay my vows to the Lord
    in the presence of all his people.

 

Precious in the sight of the Lord
    is the death of his saints.
Lord, I am your servant;
    I am your servant, the son of your maidservant.
    You have loosed my bonds.
I will offer to you the sacrifice of thanksgiving
    and call on the name of the Lord.
I will pay my vows to the Lord
    in the presence of all his people,
in the courts of the house of the Lord,
    in your midst, O Jerusalem.

Praise the Lord! (Psalm 116)

 

 

*https://ncadv.org/statistics

**https://www.focusministries1.org/articles/HowtoHelpanAbusedWife.pdf

Why Address Sin?

“If a woman is not to blame for her abuse, aren’t you finger-pointing and blaming the victim to talk about her sin?”

When a woman comes to a pastor, biblical counselor, or older woman for help, the last thing that should be addressed is her sin. Literally. The last thing. Her primary need is practical help, hope, and comfort in the face of unjust suffering; mental, emotional, psychological, physical. She is a sufferer. There is no other, better term.  Because Sanctuary: Hope and Help for Victims of Domestic Abuse had to be written all at once, it addresses every part of a woman’s spiritual life: salvation, suffering, and sanctification. Sanctuary speaks to her position as a child of God, a saint who is fully forgiven. The greater portion of the book acknowledges her suffering as a woman experiencing domestic abuse. Finally, Sanctuary addresses her reality as a sinner. To look at some parts of her life (saint and sufferer) without seeing her as a whole person would be a disservice. Forgiveness, freedom, and and long-term healing are the result of confession and repentance.

As a victim of abuse learns to cry out to and trust God and His people, there will be a time to walk through sinful thought patterns and habits–things that prevent her from addressing her husband, seeking help, or finding the courage to change. According to statistics, a woman will return to an abusive relationship seven times. That reason alone should move us beyond safety, escape and relief to a desire for personal transformation, which is only available by faith in the substitutionary life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

The greater element is her relationship with God; her spiritual growth and ability to glorify God as she lives out the beauty of her original design. In that case, the most unloving act is to provide immediate help, help her feel better, and send her out the door, still dependent on her abuser, desiring to change him or fix their marriage, tied to a need for approval, appreciation and affection from someone other than God, who alone is worthy.

Perfect love drives out fear (1 John 4:18).  Sanctuary shows women, churches, and the people who love them how to apply the power of God and His awe-some love for her to a man acting wickedly and sinfully. By faith, she can transfer blame to the deserving individual, the abuser, placing her burden of sin and shame on Jesus Christ. She is then able to live abundantly: free of guilt, shame, failure, and condemnation.

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh,so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, (Romans 8:1-6)