The church is becoming more and more aware of abuse in the culture at large. The truth is that, like divorce, the statistics for abuse are the same within church walls as they are without.

• 1 in 3 women will experience physical domestic violence in her lifetime.
• Domestic violence is the leading cause of homelessness for women and children.
• Nearly half of all female homicide victims are killed by a current or former male intimate partner.
• The most dangerous time for a victim of domestic violence is when she or he leaves the relationship.

Conservative churches hold to marital roles, believing that God created Adam first and Eve second; that throughout Scripture, there is a call for men to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25-33) and a call for women to submit to their husbands, as unto the Lord (Col. 3: 18) What often happens, however, is that role distinctions become the defining factor of marriage. And marriage has, in many cases, become the basis of Christianity, taking precedence over the saving work of Jesus Christ.

Would you be shocked if you knew there are those who believe marriage, not salvation, is worth suffering and dying for. “If you die at his hands, it’s God’s will.”

Making marriage roles preeminent does nothing less than redefine Scripture. For example, a woman is expected to submit to her husband even in the application of Scripture. When that is the case, women are taught that the promises, freedom, and work of the Holy Spirit do not apply to their lives apart their husband’s willingness to grant it. Practically, she does not enjoy the full benefits of God and Scripture as a purchased, adopted child of God. If a woman’s application of Scripture is limited by submission to her husband, then he, not Jesus, is the measure of her sanctification.

Some would say that marriage to a harsh, domineering, physically abusive husband is a woman’s cross to bear. But Jesus spoke those words in the context of discipleship: Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wants to come after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me. (Matthew 16:24). A proper response is, “Jesus, you are worth this suffering. You are worth dying for. I am doing this for you.” If, however, we apply that same logic to a husband, a woman is put in the place of saying, “Husband, you are worthy of my health, my body, my sanity. I am willing to benefit you at the expense of my dignity, my self, and the price of our children.” That sounds like worship. And it is. But it is not the worship God  requires or asks of His children. This is a false god; a high place; representative of Baal, Molech, or Ashtoreth.

Headship, by its very name, presumes a body. The head does not stand alone. A head is connected….to a system that sustains and supports it. Husbands, when you get married, you do not have the privilege of living life any way you choose other than bringing home the bacon. If you are going to live and love like Jesus, everything will change.

Everything changed for Jesus (see Philippians 2), to the extent that from this point forward, He bears a physical body and scars He did not have in eternity past. Forever, He is the Lamb who was slain (Revelation 5:12-13).

To continue, see post on Headship.