Where is your hope? If your hope is in an individual changing, that may never happen. If your hope is a healthy, thriving marriage with an abusive spouse, that is not in your realm of influence.
Gullible vs. Groomed
Some men intentionally look for Jesus-loving, kind, gracious, submissive women to marry as a means of controlling them and micromanaging their personal life. Some men use the church as a cover for sinful behavior. It worked in Corinth.
Submission vs. Survival
A wife who is in a dangerous or oppressive relationship does not and can not submit in the biblical sense of the word because her behavior is forced. Submission is a choice. Survival is not. A woman who is punished for disobeying her husband's preferences, desires, and commands quickly learns where the line is and how to avoid repercussions.
I Know a Guy
Besides deceit, hypocrisy and secrecy, another obstacle for those seeking help is an individual who has been similarly hurt without healing. If they were to acknowledge hurt, pain and suffering at another's hand, it would stir up feelings of helplessness and powerlessness. The resulting pain and suffering would confirm the reality of evil and its … Continue reading I Know a Guy
It’s Not Anxiety
Woman after woman is accused of--or describes herself as--suffering from anxiety. Making decisions, moving through the day, talking to individuals, caring for children, going to bed. All are riddled with a sense of dread, fear, panic, unease. The words, "If only..." precede every other thought. The Bible speaks to anxiety. Pastors and Bible study leaders … Continue reading It’s Not Anxiety
Go Team!
Isn't the idea of "choosing" the husband or wife in a domestic dispute unbiblical? A friend, pastor, church, or family member should be on both teams, shouldn't they? Loving both. Caring for both. Doing what is best for both. It just feels wrong to have to choose one over the other--how do you make sense … Continue reading Go Team!
“Your Cross to Bear”
Jesus bore our sins. He is the theological (or Biblical) context for understanding this phrase. The historical context is punishment for breaking Roman law. Those who hung beside Jesus were guilty. "Bearing your cross" is carrying the weight, or living out the consequences, of your own guilt.
Listening to A Woman’s Voice
I spend a lot of time thinking about pastors, churches and the realities of hurting people. I love Jesus. That means I love the local church. Pastors. The Body of Christ. And I spend a lot of time with hurting people. One thing I don't want to be is a Debbie Downer. I hate bad … Continue reading Listening to A Woman’s Voice
Are You a Safe Person?
For those of you who don't see or acknowledge men who use fear, confusion, force, coercion, threats, and violence to get what they want, it's not because it's a unicorn. It's a horse. And you are not a safe person.
Context
The same is true of marriage. You and I can give advice, try to relate to a suffering or distant woman, and come alongside her, but if we don't have the words or ability to understand the difference between a mutual relationship and an oppressive one, we aren't even speaking the same language.
Seeking Sanctuary 