In a relationship with a controlling individual, there is a lot of guilt because that individual has a lot of rules. Not only do the rules change capriciously, there are real punishments associated with breaking each and every rule. The person in power controls which rule is most important in any given moment and determines when, how, why, and what kind of punishment applies whether the rule was spoken, unspoken, real or imagined.
If grief is the normal response to abuse, anger follows honesty or candor. "How could I keep going back?" "Why didn't I ____?" "Who does he think he is?" Because anger is a response to moral failure, it reveals what we perceive to be right and wrong. In the case of abuse, anger is not … Continue reading Good and Angry
Lately I have been overwhelmed by the wickedness of man. When someone experiences unspeakable evil it attacks both the mind--that's trauma, it's real--and the heart. Hopelessness. Emptiness. Loss. We want it to go away; to cease and desist. Pat answers and platitudes do nothing less than throw oil on the fire. Instead, it's time to … Continue reading The Value of Evil
There is unspeakable evil in our world. People do things that should never be done--or thought about. The cruelty and disregard of abusers for their victims leaves me speechless at times. Where was God? Why didn't He intervene? How could He let that happen? For that long? I know much of what the Bible says. … Continue reading Where is God?
The reality of violent domestic abuse--which happens to one in three women* (did you read that right?)--the reality is captivity. Women are captives, not only in their homes, but in their lives, choices, and heads. They are coerced and manipulated to another's agenda, wishes, demands, and and preferences. Women are threatened, belittled, bullied, and treated … Continue reading Reality
I started my morning reading about King Saul and David in the book of 1 Samuel and ended up studying the power and control wheel. PowerControlwheelNOSHADING If you haven't seen this before, it was developed by a group of individuals to describe the crippling effects of unseen abuse in relationships. Just because someone on the … Continue reading When You’re Up Against Power and Control