Some view marriage as a magic portal--a golden ticket--to manhood. It's everything a juvenile boy could wish for: sex without cost, privilege without price, freedom from conflict or push-back.
Oppression, in a Christian context, does not mean covering sin, or bearing the consequences of another's sin "till death do us part." That, in fact, would not be loving--if this life is his only opportunity for repentance and eternal life. Responding to oppression means resisting in a way that exposes and addresses sin. It means praying and living against one's own tendencies or desire to be a savior and turning to the Savior.
Unfortunately, many of us make decisions based on short, biblical phrases without realizing we've missed something. We think of and apply them sinfully--because, well, that's how we roll. Here is an example that relates to domestic abuse: "God hates divorce" (Malachi 2:16). We've all heard it. This specific phrase drives many to worship marriage over … Continue reading Marriage: A Hill Worth Dying On?
Two men were having a conversation and one was recounting an abusive relationship. "You mean he actually thinks about it?" one asked. "I know," said the other. "And it gets worse." In writing the book, Sanctuary, I was aware of the fact that many pastors, leaders, and churched men struggle to address abuse in marriage because of … Continue reading The Face of Evil
As you work through how to respond to an abusive husband, it is important to understand the Nunya Zone. It is discussed in more detail throughout the book, Sanctuary, but not by that name. Nunya is a term I use regularly in counseling sessions that refers to those things that are not my responsibility, as in … Continue reading The Nunya Zone
Somehow we've gotten the idea that submission in marriage means everything. If a husband is displeased, it's because his wife isn't submitting. If the marriage is struggling, it's because she's not submitting "in everything." There a mistaken understanding that, because marriage represents Christ and the Church, the husband (representing Christ) is right and the wife … Continue reading Submissive Equality