He Meant What He Said

How many times have you heard, “I didn’t mean it?” after hurtful, angry, biting words found their mark? It doesn’t help much, does it.

The truth is, he did mean it. The Bible says, “…the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart” (Matthew 12:34). So, yes. If it came out of his mouth, that’s because it was in his heart first. That’s why it’s so hard to forgive and forget. It’s a real wound. It hurts, stays in your mind, runs in circles, festers, burns, and takes residence in the way you refer to yourself; the way you think about and define yourself.

A separate, but powerful truth is: his heart does not define reality. Unless, of course, he is God. He can impose restrictions, hammer consequences, belittle, threaten and coerce. But he is a force of one. He has a distorted way of thinking and acting because it comes from a distorted, wicked source. “the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart” (Luke 6:45).

Write it down. Tell a friend (maybe you have to find one first–that’s a great place to start!). Call a hotline for help. Read the Psalms. Do what you can to create a fissure between his reality and God’s reality. Look at the things he says and does as a definition of who he is; not who you are. Draw a picture (or photoshop one) and next to it, journal or list descriptors of what he says about you. That will give you a very real, different idea of the man that casts his heart on others.

The Bible says, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” It’s a great starting place….

(Take time to read Julie’s comment below–as a survivor, she has helpful insight and practical intentionality for healing.)

One thought on “He Meant What He Said

  1. “Do what you can to create a fissure between his reality and God’s reality.”

    Wow, these words really clarify what I have been seeking to do. Thank you so much.

    I might add that reading/listening to John’s gospel has also been instrumental in creating that fissure- who Jesus is and how he treats people, his conversations with the Pharisees, etc. And the divine singer’s words to me in Isaiah. Jesus defines who I am, defines my reality, not another.

    (Oh, in case it helps someone: those other words do not necessarily sound angry or biting. They can be calm and “sincere” …… and still be relationship and soul destroying.)

    A related point: we all can say hurtful things to another. The status of our heart is shown in whether or not we are convicted of our sin and take the responsibility to confess and repair the relationship?

    And it’s not my job to judge the status of another’s heart …… but it *is* my job to discern the difference between good and bad fruits, and to act accordingly.

    These are all things I think about in seeking wisdom in walking a very confusing and distressing path. Comments welcome.

    Thanks again, Sydney

    Liked by 1 person

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