It is not uncommon for those who have been unjustly mistreated and oppressed to be told they need to offer the offender grace. After all, they reason, God is gracious to them, so they ought to be gracious to others.

This may be an oversimplification, but I read this verse differently today and it gave me pause:

“By mercy and truth is iniquity atoned,
and by the fear of ADONAI, one avoids evil.” (Proverbs 16:6)

Where there is iniquity, mercy and truth are the route to forgiveness and atonement. It is vital to see our sin the way God sees it–to agree with Him (1 John 1:9). Until sin is acknowledged and confessed, it cannot be forgiven. Then, in response to confession, God gives mercy–He withholds punishment.

This idea of mercy is upheld throughout the Bible. It is good to take a step back and look at the narratives of Adam and Eve hiding their sin (Genesis 3); Achan’s cover-up (Joshua 7), and King David’s attempt to avoid the consequences of committing adultery and murder (2 Samuel 11, Psalms 32 and 51). Sin must be confessed and acknowledged before mercy is granted.

Let’s break them down:

Grace–charis–is unmerited favor. Grace is a gift (Ephesians 4:7). We don’t deserve it, but because God is loving, kind, and good, He offers forgiveness, presence, and eternal life to those who come to Him in faith (Ephesians 2:8-9). God gives common grace in the form of good gifts to everyone.

Mercy–lovingkindness, favor, steadfast love–is withholding deserved punishment.

Each of us has access to God’s grace and mercy through the finished work of Jesus Christ. His death and resurrection extend God’s grace–His unmerited favor–and when we come to Him in faith, admitting our sin and need of His forgiveness, He gives mercy. He gives what we have not earned; what we do not deserve. Consider the idea that mercy comes at the cost of pride and me-ism. Until I acknowledge my sin and the fact that I deserve punishment, I cannot receive mercy.

Apart from owning sin, there is no mercy.

How joyful is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered! (Psalm 32:1)

The one who conceals his sins will not prosper,
but whoever confesses and renounces them will find mercy. (Proverbs 28:13)

In the case of imbalanced, oppressive relationships, we reflect God when we give grace to the oppressed. We listen. We believe. We ask questions out of curiosity and love (not criticism, judgement or an attempt to “solve” the problem). We pray. We empathize as Jesus does. We bear her burden. We give unmerited favor–she doesn’t have to earn a place at the table. She has one.**

For the oppressor, the one who hides his sin, we wait for an opportunity to grant mercy (not grace). This individual takes what is not his for his own benefit (although few know or see it because of the desire to manage and craft his image) Brokenness and confession are pre-requisites of mercy. God’s mercy. Our mercy.

Note: HUGE NOTE: Mercy does not trump caution. Mercy is not trust. God’s mercy comes with consequences (i.e. unbelieving Israel in the desert). Truth stands alongside mercy. And truth shines light into the depths of decay sin has wrought. Sin is terrible, deep, and destructive. It can be forgiven, but our earthly existence–and the ongoing presence of sin–place boundaries on safety, healing, and reconciliation. Without truth, mercy is weakened and sin is loosed to wreak havoc.

Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children, and walk in love, as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. But sexual immorality and any impurity or greed should not even be heard of among you, as is proper for saints. Obscene and foolish talking or crude joking are not suitable, but rather giving thanks. For know and recognize this: Every sexually immoral or impure or greedy person, who is an idolater, does not have an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.

Let no one deceive you with empty arguments, for God’s wrath is coming on the disobedient because of these things. Therefore, do not become their partners. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light— for the fruit of the light consists of all goodness, righteousness, and truth— testing what is pleasing to the Lord. Don’t participate in the fruitless works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what is done by them in secret. Everything exposed by the light is made visible, for what makes everything visible is light. Therefore it is said:

Get up, sleeper, and rise up from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.

Pay careful attention, then, to how you walk—not as unwise people but as wise— making the most of the time, because the days are evil. So don’t be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. (Ephesians 5:1-17)

**If you’d like to learn how to help and better understand a biblical perspective of caring for victims of oppression, check out the Biblical Victim Care Course by Clarity in Action. Classes begin July 1, September 9 (live stream), October 1, January 1, April 1.