“To show partiality in judgement is not good. He who says to the wicked, ‘You are righteous,’ peoples will curse him, nations will abhor him; But to those who rebuke the wicked will be delight, and a good blessing will come upon them. He kisses the lips who gives a right answer.” (Proverbs 24:23-26)

Today is the 24th day of the month and I have been reading Proverbs with an eye to domestic abuse.

[Note: If you live with an angry, controlling man, use this passage to gain discernment. If it is dangerous to rebuke him, pray and wait for an opportunity to expose his wickedness, then allow those in authority to do it with and for you. Your reproof requires much wisdom and dependence on the Lord. As you see/live with  wickedness and desire to set boundaries against it, be smart. Create a plan for your personal safety and well-being in advance.]

In an abusive relationship, the one seeking control shows partiality. He treats people at church differently than his family. He lauds and blesses people at church, greets people on the street, laughs and claps men on the back. At home, he curses, belittles, manipulates, and expresses anger for infractions he would easily overlook in public. He is not the same man from one place to another; he changes depending on his audience. He treats people differently depending on what he wants (usually approval from others, power, and control at home). He does it because it works.

What else does the Bible say about that kind of behavior?

“You shall not have in your bag differing weights, a large and a small….” (Deuteronomy 25:13)

You shall not have in your house differing measures, a large and a small. (Deuteronomy 25:14)

Differing weights and differing measures, Both of them are abominable to the Lord. (Proverbs 20:10)

Differing weights are an abomination to the Lord, And a false scale is not good. (Proverbs 20:23)

Treating some people as if they are more honorable, or have more weight, than others is a sin. God doesn’t. He created each one to bear His image. No person is more important or greater than another. Need proof?

You shall not show partiality in judgment; you shall hear the small and the great alike. You shall not fear man, for the judgment is God’s. (Deuteronomy 1:17)

For the Lord your God is the God of gods and the Lord of lords, the great, the mighty, and the awesome God who does not show partiality nor take a bribe. (Deuteronomy 10:17)

Now then let the fear of the Lord be upon you; be very careful what you do, for the Lord our God will have no part in unrighteousness or partiality or the taking of a bribe. (2 Chronicles 19:7)

For there is no partiality with God. (Romans 2:11)

But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. (James 2:9)

If you are in a position to help a woman who asks for help, be very careful that you are not the one showing partiality–protecting her husband based on your knowledge, discounting hers. That, too, is showing partiality and God is not pleased. Take her aside. Give her a safe place. You will have to earn her trust and prove your ability to protect her. If you have any idea what trust has cost her, you will be patient, sensitive, and wise with what she tells you. Do not take steps without her knowledge and consent. She knows a very different person than you.

You must provide for her and her children before addressing his wickedness. Then wait. Dr. Charles Hodges writes, “If you want to take the measure of someone’s character, the most direct route I can think of is to tell him no.” (Good Mood, Bad Mood, p. 135). If you wonder if a man is as wicked as his wife says, remove her from the situation and see how he responds. It may not be immediate, but if you continually tell him no, you will see things you never imagined. The church’s job is to be an ambassador of Christ–to call sinners to repentance and help the suffering.

“To show partiality in judgement is not good. He who says to the wicked, ‘You are righteous,’ peoples will curse him, nations will abhor him; But to those who rebuke the wicked will be delight, and a good blessing will come upon them. He kisses the lips who gives a right answer.” (Proverbs 24:23-26)