For those of you who don't see or acknowledge men who use fear, confusion, force, coercion, threats, and violence to get what they want, it's not because it's a unicorn. It's a horse. And you are not a safe person.
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Context
The same is true of marriage. You and I can give advice, try to relate to a suffering or distant woman, and come alongside her, but if we don't have the words or ability to understand the difference between a mutual relationship and an oppressive one, we aren't even speaking the same language.
Weight of Sin
When is the last time you bore the weight of your sin against another person--not just acknowledged it, but sat in it, listened to it from another perspective--and owned it? That is the biblical concept of confessing your sin to one another and praying for one another that you may be healed (James 5:16). This … Continue reading Weight of Sin
Confession as Abuse
We must be very careful how we coach, teach, and encourage confession and forgiveness in imbalanced relationships.
Show Me the Money!
There's a saying I use in counseling: "Show me the money." It's simple: tell me who benefits from an action or choice, and I can tell you who's manipulating a situation, especially in an imbalanced relationship where one person uses power and control for himself. Who benefits when your husband gets angry? He does. Why? … Continue reading Show Me the Money!
The Helper
Last week I addressed, The Cleaner: the idea that women feel the need to clean up after, or remove the consequences of, their husbands failure and sin. Additionally, sinful behavior is perpetuated when churches define a wife, or "helper" as someone who:1) Prevents her husband from sinning2) Equates pleasing a husband with pleasing God. https://dg.imgix.net/she-is-me-snbdvfjz-en/landscape/she-is-me-snbdvfjz.jpg?ts=1498581304&ixlib=rails-4.1.0&fit=crop&w=2000&h=1050 … Continue reading The Helper
James Calls It!
When is the last time someone called out sinful behavior in front of you? It happened at our house yesterday--it's a normal part of life. If that's a one-sided conversation at your house, something's wrong. James says so. James says, "if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as … Continue reading James Calls It!
This Day
Personalizing God in our groaning, in this earthly tent, is for His glory and honor, showing His provision--not because of my need, but because of His power, might, and love. And out of His storehouse, He has provided the grace I need for this very moment.
Where There is Hope
Seeing the big picture--beyond the suffering, loss, and unknown--gives us hope. And with hope, God provides comfort, courage and endurance.
Seventy Times Seven
Many women who experience punishment or consequences as a result of displeasing their husband are told by said husband, churches, pastors, family and friends that they are unforgiving. "The Bible says to forgive seventy times seven. If you don't forgive, you're the one holding a grudge." There are a lot of things packed into the … Continue reading Seventy Times Seven
Seeking Sanctuary 
