Christians, biblical counselors, pastors, Bible study leaders--we are quick to rush to perceived biblical solutions because it seems obvious--it's what we know. In the case of domestic abuse (or any abuse), it is much easier to tell a victim to forgive than it is to listen to, wrestle with, and endure suffering with her. Forgiveness … Continue reading Don’t Rush It!
Looking for Help
Knowing When to Leave
Women want to know. When do I leave? How do I know? The book, Sanctuary, walks through heart responses to abuse because it's not only important to understand abuse and its effects; it's just as important to learn to how to respond to your abuser and see past the abuse to your self: how you think, … Continue reading Knowing When to Leave
The Nunya Zone
As you work through how to respond to an abusive husband, it is important to understand the Nunya Zone. It is discussed in more detail throughout the book, Sanctuary, but not by that name. Nunya is a term I use regularly in counseling sessions that refers to those things that are not my responsibility, as in … Continue reading The Nunya Zone
Submissive Equality
Somehow we've gotten the idea that submission in marriage means everything. If a husband is displeased, it's because his wife isn't submitting. If the marriage is struggling, it's because she's not submitting "in everything." There a mistaken understanding that, because marriage represents Christ and the Church, the husband (representing Christ) is right and the wife … Continue reading Submissive Equality
Forgiveness without Reconciliation pt. 2
Forgiveness is costly. When Jesus prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing," He was not providing a blanket forgiveness. He was petitioning His Father, willing to pay the price for their sin against Him. In the same way, Jesus took the punishment of my sin so I wouldn't have to. … Continue reading Forgiveness without Reconciliation pt. 2
Forgiveness without Reconciliation
I was recently asked what marriage to an abusive man would look like if he never changed--if he confessed and asked for forgiveness as manipulation. That's a hard question. What would it look like to live, willing to forgive, but unreconciled? Jesus said: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and … Continue reading Forgiveness without Reconciliation
Why the Term, “Victim?”
Using the word "victim" to describe an individual experiencing domestic abuse is, perhaps, a bit archaic. Old-fashioned. Politically incorrect. Or is it? The choice of the word is intentional and sets itself up for discussion. What word would you use? Secular society chooses the word, "survivor." The idea is that anyone who has suffered abuse … Continue reading Why the Term, “Victim?”
Where to Start?
Perhaps you've stopped in out of curiosity. You may be a family member, friend, or confused church leader/member. I've been that person--the one looking for help and trying to catch up to mile marker 402 for someone in need when I'm at mile marker 19....
Seeking Sanctuary 