When the book, Sanctuary: Hope and Help for Victims of Domestic Abuse was in its beginning stages, it included notes for counselors. It was submitted for review and in an effort to be humble and teachable, I removed them from the book. Now, years and thousands of counseling sessions later, I have found the information accurate and, I hope, helpful.

Unpublished text:

When the Apostle Paul instructed his spiritual son, Timothy, to confront false doctrine, he wrote, “… the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith” (1Timothy 1:5 NASB). Because God is love, He is the One who makes it possible. Love must fuel our instruction; love accompanied by a pure heart rather than a desire for revenge, love grounded in a good conscience unblemished by personal gain, and love resulting from sincere faith, not dead works.

Counseling Notes with edits:

In applying 1 Timothy 1:5 to the local church, one could ask, “Do women in our local church know they are loved? Do they feel safe?” The real question is, do hurting women trust the local church enough to share what is happening in their lives and homes? Does the church have a record of believing and protecting women who ask for help? Or do church leaders have a record of siding with men, protecting marriage and reputations over and above individuals? Do they expose women who ask for help, further endangering them and their children?

Is there evidence of the local church addressing false doctrine in homes and marriages with love and a pure heart? Does the local church preserve a good conscience as they identify and minister to those impacted by coercive control? And how can the church and its leaders demonstrate sincere faith toward those who have been abused in their homes? 

The thought of helping a woman whose husband is deceptive and uses others for his benefit may create a sense of discomfort, defensiveness or bias, but the Lord promises to deliver us from all our fears; He is our refuge. His eyes are on the righteous, His ears are attentive to their cries, but His face is against those who do evil. Those who seek Him lack no good thing (Psalm 34:4, 8-9, 15-16).

[Text from book] Counseling Notes:

God is faithful, but there is an element of risk when one chooses to get involved in marital oppression. There is a risk of losing friendships. Abusers may be leaders, businessmen, influential members of a congregation, or even pastors. Exposing their sin and providing shelter for hurting wives and children may result in lost relationships. There is a physical risk. Abusers use many different tools to manipulate and gain power. It is possible that an individual who thwarts his efforts will experience his wrath. There is spiritual and psychological risk. As master manipulators, abusers are master deceivers; many, especially in the church, use and twist Scripture to accomplish their goals. An individual who intervenes in domestic abuse must be committed to serving the weak and wounded with the power God supplies, as an extension of His body here on Earth.

Jesus came to bring deliverance, freedom, and an abundant life (Luke 4:18-19; John 10:10). No one is defined by his or her circumstances or another’s sinful demands, but each person is defined by faith (or lack thereof) in Christ’s substitutionary death and resurrection. In Christ, believers are a unified Body. And as His body on earth, it is imperative that the local church and its leaders consider how to minister to the oppressed, not through the eyes of tradition, accepted cultural practice, or perverted Christianity, but with the eyes and mind of our Savior, Jesus Christ (Philippians 2:1-8; 1 Peter 2:23).