Sanctuary's vision is to bring women to the God of all comfort, the God of protection and provision, the God of goodness and grace. The title offers help and hope knowing that only God, through Jesus Christ, offers true healing for suffering, pain and loss. The picture that best captures biblical counseling for me is … Continue reading How Can We Help?
The Conscience and Domestic Abuse
"It can't be!" "It's not possible." These are natural responses when a victim discloses the truth, especially to mutual friends and family members. We want to think people know better, that the abuser has a conscience, that no one would knowingly treat a loved one with cruelty and contempt. That's simply not true. The noetic effect … Continue reading The Conscience and Domestic Abuse
Loss
Abuse brings its own sense of grief and loss as a result of repeatedly dashed expectations, pain, betrayal, and manipulation ("How did that happen...again?!). Accepting the truth of one's abuse results in a whole different type of loss. To come to the realization that the person who says, "I love you,"--who excuses behavior because of … Continue reading Loss
Don’t Rush It!
Christians, biblical counselors, pastors, Bible study leaders--we are quick to rush to perceived biblical solutions because it seems obvious--it's what we know. In the case of domestic abuse (or any abuse), it is much easier to tell a victim to forgive than it is to listen to, wrestle with, and endure suffering with her. Forgiveness … Continue reading Don’t Rush It!
Knowing When to Leave
Women want to know. When do I leave? How do I know? The book, Sanctuary, walks through heart responses to abuse because it's not only important to understand abuse and its effects; it's just as important to learn to how to respond to your abuser and see past the abuse to your self: how you think, … Continue reading Knowing When to Leave
The Nunya Zone
As you work through how to respond to an abusive husband, it is important to understand the Nunya Zone. It is discussed in more detail throughout the book, Sanctuary, but not by that name. Nunya is a term I use regularly in counseling sessions that refers to those things that are not my responsibility, as in … Continue reading The Nunya Zone
Submissive Equality
Somehow we've gotten the idea that submission in marriage means everything. If a husband is displeased, it's because his wife isn't submitting. If the marriage is struggling, it's because she's not submitting "in everything." There a mistaken understanding that, because marriage represents Christ and the Church, the husband (representing Christ) is right and the wife … Continue reading Submissive Equality
Why Address Sin?
"If a woman is not to blame for her abuse, aren't you finger-pointing and blaming the victim to talk about her sin?" When a woman comes to a pastor, biblical counselor, or older woman for help, the last thing that should be addressed is her sin. Literally. The last thing. Her primary need is practical … Continue reading Why Address Sin?
Forgiveness without Reconciliation pt. 2
Forgiveness is costly. When Jesus prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing," He was not providing a blanket forgiveness. He was petitioning His Father, willing to pay the price for their sin against Him. In the same way, Jesus took the punishment of my sin so I wouldn't have to. … Continue reading Forgiveness without Reconciliation pt. 2
Forgiveness without Reconciliation
I was recently asked what marriage to an abusive man would look like if he never changed--if he confessed and asked for forgiveness as manipulation. That's a hard question. What would it look like to live, willing to forgive, but unreconciled? Jesus said: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and … Continue reading Forgiveness without Reconciliation
Seeking Sanctuary 