It's awkward when a couple is no longer a couple. How can church and family members respond, especially when they're in the same place at the same time? We want it to feel and look normal, natural. We don't want to withhold good or hurt people's feelings, especially when we don't know (or want to … Continue reading Now What?
It's time for something positive--for good news, for a new outlook, a fresh take on life. There is no better positive, good, new, fresh, wonderful thing than Jesus. https://www.youtube.com/embed/CoIfH4V2PQE I have told women who wonder about marrying an individual that if their husband is becoming more like Jesus, they will continue to fall in love … Continue reading Adding Jesus Changes Everything
Sanctuary's vision is to bring women to the God of all comfort, the God of protection and provision, the God of goodness and grace. The title offers help and hope knowing that only God, through Jesus Christ, offers true healing for suffering, pain and loss. The picture that best captures biblical counseling for me is … Continue reading How Can We Help?
Lately I have been overwhelmed by the wickedness of man. When someone experiences unspeakable evil it attacks both the mind--that's trauma, it's real--and the heart. Hopelessness. Emptiness. Loss. We want it to go away; to cease and desist. Pat answers and platitudes do nothing less than throw oil on the fire. Instead, it's time to … Continue reading The Value of Evil
A victim's greatest need is safety and security. Unfortunately, she is more likely to find it outside church walls than within. Why? Too often church members and pastors excuse an abusers' treatment of his wife by believing (or saying) something like this: "If only you were more submissive." "Have you prayed about it?" "Do you … Continue reading One of Us
As you work through how to respond to an abusive husband, it is important to understand the Nunya Zone. It is discussed in more detail throughout the book, Sanctuary, but not by that name. Nunya is a term I use regularly in counseling sessions that refers to those things that are not my responsibility, as in … Continue reading The Nunya Zone
I've spent time with women in stinky relationships--and it's hard. Life is difficult. Unpredictable. Painful. Hopeful. Then heart-breaking, hope-shattering, disappointing. Because women in abuse relationships don't talk to others about the pain, shame, and abuse, they rarely hear what other women in similar situations say. If they did, they'd hear: "When everything is good, he's … Continue reading Change
We are all familiar with suffering the consequences of making a poor decision. Children refuse to wear the clothing their parents tell them to and suffer as a result. We like to think that those who cheat, lie, steal, and hurt others will suffer the consequences of their behavior, but we don't always see it. … Continue reading Unjust Suffering
A common response to the book, Sanctuary: Hope and Help for Victims of Domestic Abuse, from those who have never lived in an environment of domestic abuse is, "Wow. I'd never allow that." Or, "What's wrong with those women?" For those outside the dynamic (by God's grace), this type of thinking and speaking is called victim-blaming. … Continue reading Couldn’t Be!