It is not uncommon for those who have been unjustly mistreated and oppressed to be told they need to offer the offender grace. After all, they reason, God is gracious to them, so they ought to be gracious to others. This may be an oversimplification, but I read this verse differently today and it gave … Continue reading Mercy and Grace
Guilt
The Power of Guilt
Getting older provides me a freedom--freedom from the expectations of myself and others. In fact, as I was traveling this last week I found myself making choices based on personal preferences instead of obligation. There was no sin in those personal decisions, but there was newfound freedom. Perhaps you, like me, find yourself asking, "What … Continue reading The Power of Guilt
Sin is more Than a Problem to Solve
It's easy to take an item to the Jesus-counter, confess, ask forgiveness, then walk out the door with pockets, nooks, and crannies loaded with unconfessed sin. Sin kills relationships. Sin is more than a problem to be solved.
“Your Cross to Bear”
Jesus bore our sins. He is the theological (or Biblical) context for understanding this phrase. The historical context is punishment for breaking Roman law. Those who hung beside Jesus were guilty. "Bearing your cross" is carrying the weight, or living out the consequences, of your own guilt.
Show Me the Money!
There's a saying I use in counseling: "Show me the money." It's simple: tell me who benefits from an action or choice, and I can tell you who's manipulating a situation, especially in an imbalanced relationship where one person uses power and control for himself. Who benefits when your husband gets angry? He does. Why? … Continue reading Show Me the Money!
A Worthy Sacrifice
A man who uses his wife to exalt himself competes with God. As God's bond-servants may we expose blasphemy and wickedness that opposes Jesus, the Lamb that was slain, the One who alone is worthy "To receive power and riches and wisdom, and strength and honor and glory and blessing!”
The Conscience and Domestic Abuse
"It can't be!" "It's not possible." These are natural responses when a victim discloses the truth, especially to mutual friends and family members. We want to think people know better, that the abuser has a conscience, that no one would knowingly treat a loved one with cruelty and contempt. That's simply not true. The noetic effect … Continue reading The Conscience and Domestic Abuse
Don’t Rush It!
Christians, biblical counselors, pastors, Bible study leaders--we are quick to rush to perceived biblical solutions because it seems obvious--it's what we know. In the case of domestic abuse (or any abuse), it is much easier to tell a victim to forgive than it is to listen to, wrestle with, and endure suffering with her. Forgiveness … Continue reading Don’t Rush It!
Forgiveness without Reconciliation
I was recently asked what marriage to an abusive man would look like if he never changed--if he confessed and asked for forgiveness as manipulation. That's a hard question. What would it look like to live, willing to forgive, but unreconciled? Jesus said: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and … Continue reading Forgiveness without Reconciliation
Couldn’t Be!
A common response to the book, Sanctuary: Hope and Help for Victims of Domestic Abuse, from those who have never lived in an environment of domestic abuse is, "Wow. I'd never allow that." Or, "What's wrong with those women?" For those outside the dynamic (by God's grace), this type of thinking and speaking is called victim-blaming. … Continue reading Couldn’t Be!
Seeking Sanctuary 