We all love a good make-over. If you're like me, you skip the middle of the reel and rush to the result. When the book, Sanctuary: Hope and Help for Victims of Domestic Abuse was written, it was written quickly. The work and research happened over a length of time, but there was little time … Continue reading Make-Over for Sanctuary: Introduction
Looking for Help
When Trusting the Lord Isn’t
Trust is one of many biblical principles that, misused, puts individuals in harm's way and severely limits their God-given ability. How could trusting God be wrong?
An Ounce of Prevention
Some might say, "Be God's kind of woman and it won't happen to you" or otherwise infer that a woman is responsible for the words and behavior of her spouse. This is what I've learned (and what the Bible says):
The Importance of Crying Out
Cry out. God hears. God sees. He remembers you. He sees your affliction (even if you don't know what to call it). He will deliver you. Don't rely on yourself or others. Ask Him for help...
“Your Cross to Bear”
Jesus bore our sins. He is the theological (or Biblical) context for understanding this phrase. The historical context is punishment for breaking Roman law. Those who hung beside Jesus were guilty. "Bearing your cross" is carrying the weight, or living out the consequences, of your own guilt.
Invisible Bondage
Compare biblical misunderstanding with Amnesty International's Report on Torture (New York: Farra, Strauss, and Giroux), 1973 following the Vietnam War. Albert Biderman, a psychologist, studied the methods foreign armies used to extract false confessions from prisoners of war. You may be surprised at the similarities.
The Cleaner
So when we clean or cover up another's sin and remove consequences and the opportunity/need for repentance, we are not serving them. We may be serving ourselves without realizing it. We are not working with God, but against Him.
Good and Angry
If grief is the normal response to abuse, anger follows honesty or candor. "How could I keep going back?" "Why didn't I ____?" "Who does he think he is?" Because anger is a response to moral failure, it reveals what we perceive to be right and wrong. In the case of abuse, anger is not … Continue reading Good and Angry
Differing Weights
"To show partiality in judgement is not good. He who says to the wicked, 'You are righteous,' peoples will curse him, nations will abhor him; But to those who rebuke the wicked will be delight, and a good blessing will come upon them. He kisses the lips who gives a right answer." (Proverbs 24:23-26) Today … Continue reading Differing Weights
Loss
Abuse brings its own sense of grief and loss as a result of repeatedly dashed expectations, pain, betrayal, and manipulation ("How did that happen...again?!). Accepting the truth of one's abuse results in a whole different type of loss. To come to the realization that the person who says, "I love you,"--who excuses behavior because of … Continue reading Loss
Seeking Sanctuary 