I cannot tell you the number of times women, pastors, family members and friends say, "But there's no physical abuse..." as if that means a man's behavior is negligible. With or without physical violence, controlling patterns of behavior restrict and confine individuals to a level of isolation and torment.
Authority: Exceptions to the Rule
God's Word is clear that He is opposed to the proud who take His place at the cost of others' lives and freedom. The proud wrongfully accuse anyone who resists and convince others to promote their sin-filled use of position and privilege.
Listening to A Woman’s Voice
I spend a lot of time thinking about pastors, churches and the realities of hurting people. I love Jesus. That means I love the local church. Pastors. The Body of Christ. And I spend a lot of time with hurting people. One thing I don't want to be is a Debbie Downer. I hate bad … Continue reading Listening to A Woman’s Voice
Why do I Feel guilty?
In a relationship with a controlling individual, there is a lot of guilt because that individual has a lot of rules. Not only do the rules change capriciously, there are real punishments associated with breaking each and every rule. The person in power controls which rule is most important in any given moment and determines when, how, why, and what kind of punishment applies whether the rule was spoken, unspoken, real or imagined.
So when we clean or cover up another's sin and remove consequences and the opportunity/need for repentance, we are not serving them. We may be serving ourselves without realizing it. We are not working with God, but against Him.
The Value of Evil
Lately I have been overwhelmed by the wickedness of man. When someone experiences unspeakable evil it attacks both the mind--that's trauma, it's real--and the heart. Hopelessness. Emptiness. Loss. We want it to go away; to cease and desist. Pat answers and platitudes do nothing less than throw oil on the fire. Instead, it's time to … Continue reading The Value of Evil
Moon and Sun
Nature reflects God's eternal nature and glory--none of us would deny it. And just as the moon reflects the light of the sun, we are created to reflect the light of God. Unfortunately, many of us think we're stars. Abusive individuals are like that. In longing for adoration and approval from some, they put selfish, … Continue reading Moon and Sun
Those who use power and control as weapons use them well. Think of hand-to-hand combatants in the movies: Matt Damon, Keanu Reeves, Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee. That's an abuser in a nutshell. It's what you're up against--what victims of abuse experience--only it isn't one scene and it's not a movie. It's real life. Over. And … Continue reading Repentance
I've spent time with women in stinky relationships--and it's hard. Life is difficult. Unpredictable. Painful. Hopeful. Then heart-breaking, hope-shattering, disappointing. Because women in abuse relationships don't talk to others about the pain, shame, and abuse, they rarely hear what other women in similar situations say. If they did, they'd hear: "When everything is good, he's … Continue reading Change
We are all familiar with suffering the consequences of making a poor decision. Children refuse to wear the clothing their parents tell them to and suffer as a result. We like to think that those who cheat, lie, steal, and hurt others will suffer the consequences of their behavior, but we don't always see it. … Continue reading Unjust Suffering