If one individual is more concerned about restoring their marriage than another, there's probably something wrong. That doesn't mean I'm against marriage, or obedience, or loving God and my neighbor. But when someone wants to "restore" a relationship, here are questions that come to mind: Is this a mutual concern? If it's one-sided, wisdom dictates … Continue reading Restoration or Reconciliation?
Jonathon Hollingsworth writes, "By extending mercy to the perpetrator when no one else will, the mob hopes to prove to a watching world just how 'edgy' and 'countercultural' Christian forgiveness is. The more visible the forgiveness, the better the witness … Too often, Christians mistake the transgressors, not the transgressed, as the ones most in … Continue reading Supernatural Grace
Church members, pastors, people helpers, be gentle. If you must, repeat to yourself, "This is not about me. This is not about me," as many times as necessary. A woman who has endured domestic violence (physical, sexual, financial, digital, you name it) is a real person. As a result of who she is and what … Continue reading Jesus’ Broken Body
I've spent time with women in stinky relationships--and it's hard. Life is difficult. Unpredictable. Painful. Hopeful. Then heart-breaking, hope-shattering, disappointing. Because women in abuse relationships don't talk to others about the pain, shame, and abuse, they rarely hear what other women in similar situations say. If they did, they'd hear: "When everything is good, he's … Continue reading Change
Forgiveness is costly. When Jesus prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing," He was not providing a blanket forgiveness. He was petitioning His Father, willing to pay the price for their sin against Him. In the same way, Jesus took the punishment of my sin so I wouldn't have to. … Continue reading Forgiveness without Reconciliation pt. 2
I was recently asked what marriage to an abusive man would look like if he never changed--if he confessed and asked for forgiveness as manipulation. That's a hard question. What would it look like to live, willing to forgive, but unreconciled? Jesus' said: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and … Continue reading Forgiveness without Reconciliation