We must be very careful how we coach, teach, and encourage confession and forgiveness in imbalanced relationships.
If an individual is not forgiven here on earth, it's because forgiveness was not sought and repentance was not actualized. If that sin is not paid for and loosed on earth by those who experienced it, it is not forgiven in Heaven. It has never been owned, confessed, forsaken.
Many women who experience punishment or consequences as a result of displeasing their husband are told by said husband, churches, pastors, family and friends that they are unforgiving. "The Bible says to forgive seventy times seven. If you don't forgive, you're the one holding a grudge." There are a lot of things packed into the … Continue reading Seventy Times Seven
A relationship built on trust is like climbing a tree. I put my full weight on one branch after another as the relationship develops. However, when trust is broken...
When someone wants to "restore" a relationship, here are questions that come to mind.
"Too often, Christians mistake the transgressors, not the transgressed, as the ones most in need of grace." Jonathon Hollingsworth
Church members, pastors, people helpers, be gentle. If you must, repeat to yourself, "This is not about me. This is not about me," as many times as necessary. A woman who has endured domestic violence (physical, sexual, financial, digital, you name it) is a real person. As a result of who she is and what … Continue reading Jesus’ Broken Body
I've spent time with women in stinky relationships--and it's hard. Life is difficult. Unpredictable. Painful. Hopeful. Then heart-breaking, hope-shattering, disappointing. Because women in abuse relationships don't talk to others about the pain, shame, and abuse, they rarely hear what other women in similar situations say. If they did, they'd hear: "When everything is good, he's … Continue reading Change
Forgiveness is costly. When Jesus prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing," He was not providing a blanket forgiveness. He was petitioning His Father, willing to pay the price for their sin against Him. In the same way, Jesus took the punishment of my sin so I wouldn't have to. … Continue reading Forgiveness without Reconciliation pt. 2
I was recently asked what marriage to an abusive man would look like if he never changed--if he confessed and asked for forgiveness as manipulation. That's a hard question. What would it look like to live, willing to forgive, but unreconciled? Jesus' said: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and … Continue reading Forgiveness without Reconciliation