Where is your hope? If your hope is in an individual changing, that may never happen. If your hope is a healthy, thriving marriage with an abusive spouse, that is not in your realm of influence.
When someone wants to "restore" a relationship, here are questions that come to mind.
Church members, pastors, people helpers, be gentle. If you must, repeat to yourself, "This is not about me. This is not about me," as many times as necessary. A woman who has endured domestic violence (physical, sexual, financial, digital, you name it) is a real person. As a result of who she is and what … Continue reading Jesus’ Broken Body
Those who use power and control as weapons use them well. Think of hand-to-hand combatants in the movies: Matt Damon, Keanu Reeves, Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee. That's an abuser in a nutshell. It's what you're up against--what victims of abuse experience--only it isn't one scene and it's not a movie. It's real life. Over. And … Continue reading Repentance
As you work through how to respond to an abusive husband, it is important to understand the Nunya Zone. It is discussed in more detail throughout the book, Sanctuary, but not by that name. Nunya is a term I use regularly in counseling sessions that refers to those things that are not my responsibility, as in … Continue reading The Nunya Zone
I've spent time with women in stinky relationships--and it's hard. Life is difficult. Unpredictable. Painful. Hopeful. Then heart-breaking, hope-shattering, disappointing. Because women in abuse relationships don't talk to others about the pain, shame, and abuse, they rarely hear what other women in similar situations say. If they did, they'd hear: "When everything is good, he's … Continue reading Change