Some might say, "Be God's kind of woman and it won't happen to you" or otherwise infer that a woman is responsible for the words and behavior of her spouse. This is what I've learned (and what the Bible says):
In homes with domestic violence, 50% of children are sexually and physically abused. America loses 5 children a day to abuse and neglect. Our churches, to our shame, are not exempt. The homes in our churches are not exempt. We must be watchful. Approachable. Trustworthy. Actively engaging the evil in our world with good, by the grace of God.
There has been discussion about the Power and Control Wheel in some circles. If you are not familiar, it is a simply diagram that describes eight tactics abusers use to maintain power and control in a relationship. It is an accurate tool that gives women words and examples to express how and what happens in … Continue reading Vice of Domination
Those on the outside can not, do not, know or understand the weight in an oppressive home during the holidays. However, we often say stress is wrong and sinful in our self-righteousness and humility-wrapped pride.
In a relationship with a controlling individual, there is a lot of guilt because that individual has a lot of rules. Not only do the rules change capriciously, there are real punishments associated with breaking each and every rule. The person in power controls which rule is most important in any given moment and determines when, how, why, and what kind of punishment applies whether the rule was spoken, unspoken, real or imagined.
We must be very careful how we coach, teach, and encourage confession and forgiveness in imbalanced relationships.
If grief is the normal response to abuse, anger follows honesty or candor. "How could I keep going back?" "Why didn't I ____?" "Who does he think he is?" Because anger is a response to moral failure, it reveals what we perceive to be right and wrong. In the case of abuse, anger is not … Continue reading Good and Angry
When someone wants to "restore" a relationship, here are questions that come to mind.
there are a number of obstacles if an individual or church is going to view suffering affliction in marriage as persecution.
Much like a mirror, we view life through our eyes--looking out from the inside. Even when we think we're looking in, we're looking at ourselves through ourselves. For that reason, none of us is objective. That's why the Word of God and the people of God are vital. An abuser sees the victim as an … Continue reading Mirror, Mirror on the Wall