There has been discussion about the Power and Control Wheel in some circles. If you are not familiar, it is a simply diagram that describes eight tactics abusers use to maintain power and control in a relationship. It is an accurate tool that gives women words and examples to express how and what happens in … Continue reading Vice of Dominion
Those on the outside can not, do not, know or understand the weight in an oppressive home during the holidays. However, we often say stress is wrong and sinful in our self-righteousness and humility-wrapped pride.
In a relationship with a controlling individual, there is a lot of guilt because that individual has a lot of rules. Not only do the rules change capriciously, there are real punishments associated with breaking each and every rule. The person in power controls which rule is most important in any given moment and determines when, how, why, and what kind of punishment applies whether the rule was spoken, unspoken, real or imagined.
We must be very careful how we coach, teach, and encourage confession and forgiveness in imbalanced relationships.
If grief is the normal response to abuse, anger follows honesty or candor. "How could I keep going back?" "Why didn't I ____?" "Who does he think he is?" Because anger is a response to moral failure, it reveals what we perceive to be right and wrong. In the case of abuse, anger is not … Continue reading Good and Angry
When someone wants to "restore" a relationship, here are questions that come to mind.
there are a number of obstacles if an individual or church is going to view suffering affliction in marriage as persecution.
Much like a mirror, we view life through our eyes--looking out from the inside. Even when we think we're looking in, we're looking at ourselves through ourselves. For that reason, none of us is objective. That's why the Word of God and the people of God are vital. An abuser sees the victim as an … Continue reading Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
Proverbs 18:17 says, "The first to plead his case seems right, Until another comes and examines him." Those who help individuals settle disputes and live at peace depend on this principle. In most people situations, this works. But a proverb is a proverb, not a promise--it's true most of the time, given the right circumstances. This … Continue reading Two Sides to Every Story
Nature reflects God's eternal nature and glory--none of us would deny it. And just as the moon reflects the light of the sun, we are created to reflect the light of God. Unfortunately, many of us think we're stars. Abusive individuals are like that. In longing for adoration and approval from some, they put selfish, … Continue reading Moon and Sun