When you've tried, and tried, and failed, maybe the problem isn't the Scripture applied, but 1) the diagnosis or 2) the intended result.
"To show partiality in judgement is not good. He who says to the wicked, 'You are righteous,' peoples will curse him, nations will abhor him; But to those who rebuke the wicked will be delight, and a good blessing will come upon them. He kisses the lips who gives a right answer." (Proverbs 24:23-26) Today … Continue reading Differing Weights
How Can We Help?
Sanctuary's vision is to bring women to the God of all comfort, the God of protection and provision, the God of goodness and grace. The title offers help and hope knowing that only God, through Jesus Christ, offers true healing for suffering, pain and loss. The picture that best captures biblical counseling for me is … Continue reading How Can We Help?
Love is Not Mutually Exclusive
In relationships that are off-balance, whether you define yours as abusive or not, there is a sense of one-way love. One individual is always giving, flexing, changing, doing. The other is always receiving, demanding, taking. Part of recognizing an abusive relationship is seeing that pattern for what it is. It is not balanced, other-focused, or … Continue reading Love is Not Mutually Exclusive
Why I Wrote “Sanctuary….”
A woman noticed my nametag as we stood in line. "Did you write that book in the bookstore?" she asked. When I told her I had, she shared her own story of domestic abuse, then she wanted to know mine. I fumbled for an answer. In the year since the book was published, she was … Continue reading Why I Wrote “Sanctuary….”
Two Sides to Every Story
Proverbs 18:17 says, "The first to plead his case seems right, Until another comes and examines him." Those who help individuals settle disputes and live at peace depend on this principle. In most people situations, this works. But a proverb is a proverb, not a promise--it's true most of the time, given the right circumstances. This … Continue reading Two Sides to Every Story
If you've watched detective shows or read crime stories, you know a "tell" is a quirk or mannerism that demonstrates an individual is lying. Although abuse is characterized by secrecy, here are some things to look for in a friend or family member that, collectively, may indicate an abusive relationship: The word, "just" is overused: … Continue reading Tells
Knowing When to Leave
Women want to know. When do I leave? How do I know? The book, Sanctuary, walks through heart responses to abuse because it's not only important to understand abuse and its effects; it's just as important to learn to how to respond to your abuser and see past the abuse to your self: how you think, … Continue reading Knowing When to Leave
When You’re Not the Problem
What if your abuse isn't about you? It's a farce. You're not at fault. You've done nothing wrong. You're not trying to be difficult, but the rules keep changing. Your whole sense of balance is off-kilter? What if? How would you know? This is how abusive relationships work. It's not a marriage issue. It's not … Continue reading When You’re Not the Problem
Jesus’ Broken Body
Church members, pastors, people helpers, be gentle. If you must, repeat to yourself, "This is not about me. This is not about me," as many times as necessary. A woman who has endured domestic violence (physical, sexual, financial, digital, you name it) is a real person. As a result of who she is and what … Continue reading Jesus’ Broken Body