Reality

The reality of violent domestic abuse–which happens to one in three women* (did you read that right?)–the reality is captivity. Women are captives, not only in their homes, but in their lives, choices, and heads. They are coerced and manipulated to another’s agenda, wishes, demands, and and preferences. Women are threatened, belittled, bullied, and treated like trash in the walls of their homes, bedrooms, kitchen, bathrooms. They can’t and don’t “just leave” for a variety of reasonable reasons** (which we need to understand if we’re going to truly help).

The reality is, a woman in an abusive relationship is in an extremely difficult, dangerous situation.

God knows how to handle the difficult; the dangerous.

Think: ancient Egypt. Powerful. Affluent. Ritualistic. The power dynamic between Egypt and the small group of immigrants who owned and managed livestock, who lived on the outskirts of society is palpable. Heavyweight versus loserweight. Is it any wonder Egypt swallowed and made them slaves? For years they endured hardship, beatings, death, and, finally, the threat of extinction.  But God.

God did not change Egypt. God brought forth His will and plan in spite of, and through, the hardness of Pharaoh’s heart (Romans 9:17).

God did not do away with the Red Sea. He brought His people through it.

God did not destroy the rock. He brought forth water–life itself–in and through it, though the rock remained (Psalm 114; 1 Corinthians 10).

God is able. He can and will use all things for His purpose, plan and glory. He hears the cry of the oppressed, weary, and heavy-laden. He desires to show Himself mighty, powerful to save. He is God, and there is no other. He delights in the impossible. He is there for the one who cries out. That is the reality we live in. That is the reality we cling to. That…is hope.

I love the Lord, because he has heard
    my voice and my pleas for mercy.
Because he inclined his ear to me,
    therefore I will call on him as long as I live.
The snares of death encompassed me;
    the pangs of Sheol laid hold on me;
    I suffered distress and anguish.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
    “O Lord, I pray, deliver my soul!”

 

Gracious is the Lord, and righteous;
    our God is merciful.
The Lord preserves the simple;
    when I was brought low, he saved me.
Return, O my soul, to your rest;
    for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.

 

For you have delivered my soul from death,
    my eyes from tears,
    my feet from stumbling;
I will walk before the Lord
    in the land of the living.

 

I believed, even when I spoke:
    “I am greatly afflicted”;
I said in my alarm,
    “All mankind are liars.”

 

What shall I render to the Lord
    for all his benefits to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation
    and call on the name of the Lord,
I will pay my vows to the Lord
    in the presence of all his people.

 

Precious in the sight of the Lord
    is the death of his saints.
Lord, I am your servant;
    I am your servant, the son of your maidservant.
    You have loosed my bonds.
I will offer to you the sacrifice of thanksgiving
    and call on the name of the Lord.
I will pay my vows to the Lord
    in the presence of all his people,
in the courts of the house of the Lord,
    in your midst, O Jerusalem.

Praise the Lord! (Psalm 116)

 

 

*https://ncadv.org/statistics

**https://www.focusministries1.org/articles/HowtoHelpanAbusedWife.pdf

When You’re Up Against Power and Control

I started my morning reading about King Saul and David in the book of 1 Samuel and ended up studying the power and control wheel.

PowerControlwheelNOSHADING

If you haven’t seen this before, it was developed by a group of individuals to describe the crippling effects of unseen abuse in relationships. Just because someone on the outside can’t see the puppet-strings doesn’t mean they’re not there. An individual may use intimidation, coercion, male privilege, economic pressure, children, possessions, minimizing or blaming to get what he wants. When, or if, that is threatened, he will resort to a different or stronger tack. He has many to choose from. Another word for this is bullying.

Biblically, this is referred to as pride, foolishness, loving self, unrighteousness, wickedness, and evil. These individuals are described as wolves, worthless shepherds, hidden reefs, clouds without water, autumn trees without fruit, wild waves of the sea casting up their own shame like foam (see the book of Jude). The list goes on. Although some of these labels are applied to false teachers in the church, these men, in their homes, mislead and destroy those in their care. They say one thing–appear to be upstanding, righteous, thoughtful in one setting–but are very different at home, depending on what best meets their desires. Some are pastors and leaders in their churches. When that is the case, this description applies in every context.

King Saul was this kind of man. Because of his pride, rebellion, and disobedience, God withdrew His Spirit and the promise of the kingdom. Saul knew David was his competition. Not only that, David had everything Saul wanted. In desperation and envy, Saul sought to destroy David. He threw a spear intending to kill him (numerous times), chastised, punished, and belittled those who helped David, withheld safety and support, hunted and threatened his life. For as many as 16 years David lived under the threat of Saul’s violent attacks.

But God had other plans. David respected Saul’s title and position. He was God’s anointed. God put him in power and God would remove him. For that reason, David refused to fight back. He trusted God no matter how difficult. He refused to harm Saul. He refused to listen to slander or threats on Saul’s life. He would take whatever came his way, trusting God to see him through–because there was more.

David also realized that he was God’s anointed. For that reason, David took precautions to protect himself. He, as the upcoming king and leader of Israel, kept himself out of harm’s way, escaping out of windows, hiding in caves, spying from meadows, and fleeing across mountains. He fled. Made alliances. Sought help. Received assistance. Pursued God’s best. Believing God would see him through, David did what it took to live according to God’s promise and purpose. That is where David found strength.

My soul waits in silence for God only;
From Him is my salvation.
2 He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.

3 How long will you assail a man,
That you may murder him, all of you,
Like a leaning wall, like a tottering fence?
4 They have counseled only to thrust him down from his high position;
They delight in falsehood;
They bless with their mouth,
But inwardly they curse. Selah.

5 My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
6 He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
7 On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
8 Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah.

9 Men of low degree are only vanity and men of rank are a lie;
In the balances they go up;
They are together lighter than breath.
10 Do not trust in oppression
And do not vainly hope in robbery;
If riches increase, do not set your heart upon them.

11 Once God has spoken;
Twice I have heard this:
That power belongs to God;
12 And lovingkindness is Yours, O Lord,
For You recompense a man according to his work. (Psalm 62)