Who Knew?

Statistics reveal “1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.” Today I am on call with the Family Resource Services as a medical advocate for domestic violence. It’s a reality, but a hidden one.

Few victims, if any, communicate the truth of their experience. When you have a bad day, how often do you dive into details? Especially if you’ve been misused and taken advantage of. To a close friend or spouse? Maybe. To someone you don’t know at all? Or whom you look up to? Probably not. Why? Because it’s embarrassing. Not only did you suffer injustice, you “let” it happen, and then you walked away as if it never happened.

The same is true for those who suffer domestic violence. To endure the pain, degradation, and intense hatred of someone who supposedly loves you is one thing. To say it aloud, to admit the horror, is to experience a new level of shame and risk. It happens. Has happened. And, honestly, it’s easy to understand why women don’t want to take the chance. Instead, they’ll say, “He knocked me around.” “It was just a tiff.” “We got in a little bit of a fight.” “It was nothing.”

And that’s exactly when those of us who can, should listen louder. Ask questions. Get more information. Hold our tongue. Believe. Be genuine. Love. Pray. Help.

All my longings lie open before you, Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you.
My heart pounds, my strength fails me;
even the light has gone from my eyes.
My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds;
my neighbors stay far away.
Those who want to kill me set their traps,
those who would harm me talk of my ruin;
all day long they scheme and lie.

I am like the deaf, who cannot hear,
like the mute, who cannot speak;
I have become like one who does not hear,
whose mouth can offer no reply.
Lord, I wait for you;
you will answer, Lord my God.

Those who repay my good with evil
lodge accusations against me,
though I seek only to do what is good.

Lord, do not forsake me;
do not be far from me, my God.
Come quickly to help me,
my Lord and my Savior. (Psalm 38:9-15, 20-22)

Not Me

Perhaps you’ve stopped in out of curiosity. You have a friend who….

Perhaps you are that friend. You know what’s happening between you and your husband or boyfriend is different than you’d imagined…something women don’t talk about. Your relationship is tense and dramatic sometimes. Other times it’s over the moon wonderful. It’s not always normal, but whose relationship is?

If you feel like you’re losing your mind, living a roller coaster, that your husband is one way at home and another in public, you’re in the right place. No one wants to admit to being mistreated, unappreciated, or taken advantage of–it’s humiliating enough in the moment. It’s excruciating to talk about or share with someone else.

But that’s where it starts: bring it into the open. Stop. Look at your situation. Study your relationship. Journal times, events, incidents and pray that God would give you eyes to see your situation the way He does. Read Psalm 139 and think about how God sees you; your life; your relationship. Ask for wisdom. Fall on His mercy and grace. Then reach out. Tell someone. If they don’t believe you, look for someone else. You. are. not. alone.

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
3 He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand.
6 The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
8 The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever. (Psalm 121)

Getting Started

The adventure has begun. The topic of domestic abuse–especially in our Christian churches–is often misunderstood and mismanaged. Women are confused, hurting, isolated, even angry–and are often told they are the problem.

The purpose of the website is to provide resources for women experiencing abuse in any form. It is also an opportunity for you to get to know me for ministry opportunities. Proverbs says, “A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps” (16:9). In that way, the Lord has directed my steps here–to writing a book and being available to speak at women’s events.

Use the contact page on the site for more information.