One biblical reason women fail to cry out--and churches fail to help--is a misunderstanding of the word, "everything" in Ephesians 5:24. "But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything." Watch this video to understand the context and heart of God behind this controversial … Continue reading Submit in Everything?
Anger is a charged, dangerous word. Anger brings pain, sorrow, anguish, conflict, shame, guilt. It is an abuser's weapon of choice, his way to hammer home expected behavior when coercion doesn't work. Anger is inherently out of control, unpredictable, unstoppable. Anger is also a proper response to injustice. Anger is the needle on our moral … Continue reading Anger
Abuse brings its own sense of grief and loss as a result of repeatedly dashed expectations, pain, betrayal, and manipulation ("How did that happen...again?!). Accepting the truth of one's abuse results in a whole different type of loss. To come to the realization that the person who says, "I love you,"--who excuses behavior because of … Continue reading Loss
Unfortunately, many of us make decisions based on short, biblical phrases without realizing we've missed something. We think of and apply them sinfully--because, well, that's how we roll. Here is an example that relates to domestic abuse: "God hates divorce" (Malachi 2:16). We've all heard it. This specific phrase drives many to worship marriage over … Continue reading Marriage: A Hill Worth Dying On?
Christians, biblical counselors, pastors, Bible study leaders--we are quick to rush to perceived biblical solutions because it seems obvious--it's what we know. In the case of domestic abuse (or any abuse), it is much easier to tell a victim to forgive than it is to listen to, wrestle with, and endure suffering with her. Forgiveness … Continue reading Don’t Rush It!
There is unspeakable evil in our world. People do things that should never be done--or thought about. The cruelty and disregard of abusers for their victims leaves me speechless at times. Where was God? Why didn't He intervene? How could He let that happen? For that long? I know much of what the Bible says. … Continue reading Where is God?
Lately I've been thinking a lot about what prevents victims of abuse from crying out--and there are a lot of factors. I'll be part of a Master Class with Chris Moles in the near future and will make it available as I'm able. But something incredible has fallen into my lap in the way of … Continue reading Accessing Strength and Power
Messing with someone's worship is a dangerous offense. Many of us consider weekly worship a priority and can't imagine life without it. However, in the home of an abuser, worship is a daily, hourly, constant--because the abuser has made himself the object of his wife and children's worship. In the same way Jeroboam refused to … Continue reading The Source of Worship
If you've watched detective shows or read crime stories, you know a "tell" is a quirk or mannerism that demonstrates and individual is lying. Although abuse is characterized by secrecy, here are some things to look for in a friend or family member that, collectively, may indicate an abusive relationship: The word, "just" is overused: … Continue reading Tells
Women want to know. When do I leave? How do I know? The book, Sanctuary, walks through heart responses to abuse because it's not only important to understand abuse and its effects; it's just as important to learn to how to respond to your abuser and see past the abuse to your self: how you think, … Continue reading Knowing When to Leave