I grew up near Yellowstone National Park. One year a man was taken to the emergency room because he applied bear spray to himself instead of the bear. Repellent can be effective when applied properly. This passage could be described as Fool Repellent. Heartfelt responses to God's Word (or wisdom) are underlined, outcomes are in bold, … Continue reading Fool Repellant
I've spent time with women in stinky relationships--and it's hard. Life is difficult. Unpredictable. Painful. Hopeful. Then heart-breaking, hope-shattering, disappointing. Because women in abuse relationships don't talk to others about the pain, shame, and abuse, they rarely hear what other women in similar situations say. If they did, they'd hear: "When everything is good, he's … Continue reading Change
I started my morning reading about King Saul and David in the book of 1 Samuel and ended up studying the power and control wheel. PowerControlwheelNOSHADING If you haven't seen this before, it was developed by a group of individuals to describe the crippling effects of unseen abuse in relationships. Just because someone on the … Continue reading When You’re Up Against Power and Control
Somehow we've gotten the idea that submission in marriage means everything. If a husband is displeased, it's because his wife isn't submitting. If the marriage is struggling, it's because she's not submitting "in everything." There a mistaken understanding that, because marriage represents Christ and the Church, the husband (representing Christ) is right and the wife … Continue reading Submissive Equality
"If a woman is not to blame for her abuse, aren't you finger-pointing and blaming the victim to talk about her sin?" When a woman comes to a pastor, biblical counselor, or older woman for help, the last thing that should be addressed is her sin. Literally. The last thing. Her primary need is practical … Continue reading Why Address Sin?
Forgiveness is costly. When Jesus prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing," He was not providing a blanket forgiveness. He was petitioning His Father, willing to pay the price for their sin against Him. In the same way, Jesus took the punishment of my sin so I wouldn't have to. … Continue reading Forgiveness without Reconciliation pt. 2
Using the word "victim" to describe an individual experiencing domestic abuse is, perhaps, a bit archaic. Old-fashioned. Politically incorrect. Or is it? The choice of the word is intentional and sets itself up for discussion. What word would you use? Secular society chooses the word, "survivor." The idea is that anyone who has suffered abuse … Continue reading Why the Term, “Victim?”
We are all familiar with suffering the consequences of making a poor decision. Children refuse to wear the clothing their parents tell them to and suffer as a result. We like to think that those who cheat, lie, steal, and hurt others will suffer the consequences of their behavior, but we don't always see it. … Continue reading Unjust Suffering
A common response to the book, Sanctuary: Hope and Help for Victims of Domestic Abuse, from those who have never lived in an environment of domestic abuse is, "Wow. I'd never allow that." Or, "What's wrong with those women?" For those outside the dynamic (by God's grace), this type of thinking and speaking is called victim-blaming. … Continue reading Couldn’t Be!
Statistics reveal "1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime." Today I am on call with the Family Resource Services as a medical advocate for domestic violence. It's a reality, but a hidden one. Few victims, if any, … Continue reading Who Knew?